marel trout

February 1

YOU SIMPLY CANNOT SERVE HOT POOP BEVERAGES WITH MARSMALLOWS TO UNSUSPECTING INDIVIDUALS. THAT THERE IS AGAINST THE LAW.

Chessie, she is standing at the stove and she is gripping a enormous wooden spoon in both small white fists. Chessie, she is stirring a vat of Bubbling Crappochino.

Snooples, she is dumping a entire bag of tiny marshmallows into the Bubbling Crappochino. Those tiny marshmallows, they are floating all over the top.

this here, we are cooking this for them homely dogs.

yeah they know all about it.

it is okay.

Snooples, she is grating nutmeg over the Bubbling Crappochino. Chessie, she is slurping a sample of the Bubbling Crappochino off of that enormous wooden spoon.

this here Crappochino, it is almost ready!

i shall start the muffins!

Pias cellular phone, it is buzzing around in circles upon the kitchen table.

I guess I will answer Pias cellular phone.

HELLO. NO, PIA WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DO THAT. BYE.

Some guy from Columbia Records.

 

February 3

Using Charlies reflecting astronomical telescope to observe activities beneath the spiraea bushes.

The residents at the Gateway House for Homely Dogs, apparently they are enjoying some sort of Winter Fest.

Those homely dogs, they are singing loud polka songs. There is a accordion.

Snooples and Chessie, they are dressed in long skirts and white aprons and poofy white caps with lace trims. Snooples and Chessie, they are carrying around trays laden with steaming mugs of Crappochino. The aroma of Crappochino and marshmallows, it is wafting all the way over here to the porch.

Ben, he is stepping out onto a little makeshift stage in the Gateway House. Ben, he is wearing lederhosens.

Ben, he is tuning his guitar.

Ben, he is singing OLD RATTLER.

Now Ben, he is singing RATTLER’S PUP.

Now Ben, he is singing RATTLER’S GRANDPUPS.

Now Ben, he is singing RATTLER’S GREAT GRANDPUPS.

A chorus of gravelly-voiced Blue Tick Hounds, they have joined Ben upon the stage. Those gravelly-voiced Blue Tick Hounds, they are playing ninis antique laundry implements.

Ben and those Blue Tick Hounds, they are singing SKIDDIN’ ‘ROUND THE LAWN.

The homely dogs, they are line dancing.

Damn it, this telescope, it has gone out of focus. Now it has toppled off its tripod. Now it is rolling across the porch.

There. That is better.

Snooples and Chessie, they are presenting a enormous chocolate cake which is bristling with candles to a wrinkled Bulldog.

Everybody, they are singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD CHOMPERS.

Old Chompers, he is dabbling his eyes with his kerchief.

Well, I guess I will go to bed.

 

February 5, 2007

Hello There Muffin:

You might be interested in this:

Nini and President Jimmy Carter: They are authoring a book.

However, they are disagreeing upon the title. President Jimmy Carter, he wants to call that book The Narrow Path of the Righteous Guy.

Nini, she wants to call it Worms, Worms Everywhere.

It will be available in 9 languages.

Yours Truly,

GDL

 

February 7, 2007

Dear Muffin,

Guess what we are having a school play.

Me, I am participating in the school play. I am The Hunchback of the Opera. That there is the leading role.

It will launch my career most likely.

Yours,

Gracie De La Rue
Lead Actor
The Hunchback of the Opera

 

February 11, 2007

Dear Muffin:

Also there is a new crow at school. His name is Jose Cuervo.

Yours,

GDL

 

February 12

to be! or…um…maybe not to be, i guess.

Tragical theatre class. Snooples, she is up in front of the class. Snooples, she is dressed in long Elizabethan robes and a Elizabethan hat shaped like a kaizer roll.

Snooples, she is performing Hamlet.

anyways i reckon that there is the question.

Everybody, they are stomping and applauding. They are giving Snooples a standing ovation. The crows, they are hopping all over the desks.

Snooples, she is blushing in a pleased manner right through her fur. Snooples, she is making her way back to her seat.

Me, I am experimenting with how many small yellow post-it notes I can stick to the back of Bens head.

28 post-it notes so far.

 

February 15

Snooples and me, we are over at Vladimir Polesaw’s place.

We are in the Horse Barn. We are feeding Vladimir Polesaw’s Work Horses.

Them Work Horses, they are happily stamping. Them Work Horses, they are mashing Bulper’s Work Horse Delight with their tooths.

Them Work Horses, they are purring.

i think muffin, she is a horse.

NO WAY MUFFIN IS NOT A HORSE.

yeah i am pretty sure that she is a horse.

Snooples, she is petting the nose of the big bread-colored Horse named Bill.

MUFFIN DEFINITELY IS NOT A HORSE. HORSES, THEY ARE LAME.

Snooples shrugs and picks up the empty Horse Food Pail. Snooples trudges out of the Horse Barn silouetted against the snow in her red and black plaid Woolrich coat and cap and her red barn boots.

 

February 17, 2007

Dear Muffin:

Get this. Snooples, she says that you are a horse. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Yours Truly

Gracie De La Rue

 

February 20, 2007

Muffin:

I am not kidding she says you are a horse.

But you are not a horse.

Yours Truly

Gracie

 

February 22, 2007

Muffin:

Please write back as soon as possible with assurances that you are not a horse.

Yours in good health,

Gracie De La Rue

 

February 23, 2007

Muffin:

Ha ha what am I thinking. You are not a horse.

Regards,

GDL>

 

February 24, 2007

Muffin:

Am anxiously awaiting confirmation as to whether or not you are a horse.

Yours,

GDL

 

February 26, 2007

Dear Muffin:

Okay here’s the deal I am going to assume that you are not a horse unless notified otherwise.

Yours,

- G

 

February 28

Minding Snooples and Chessie while everybody else, they are out shopping for a snow blower.

Snooples, she is singing POOR WAYFARING DINGO DOG in a high and thready voice. Snooples, she is mashing old bananas. Snooples, she is making banana breads.

I do not know what Chessie is doing. Chessie, she appears to be nowheres around.

Also Chessie: She is being too quiet.

I had better stop practicing my lines for The Hunchback of the Opera and I had better go look for Chessie.

Chessie, she is busy with scissors and glue and saran wrap at the dining room table.

CHESSIE WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING HAD BETTER NOT BE ILLEGAL.

i am making this here poopie cushion.

EXCUSE ME?

this here is a poopie cushion.

WHAT THE HELL IS A POOPIE CUSHION THAT IS WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.

somebody sits on it and it shits everywheres.

Huh.

THAT THERE IS A GOOD IDEA.