marel trout

May 1

We are standing in line. We are waiting to get our school pictures taken.

We are waiting for Chickenloaf who is late. On account Chickenloaf, she must put the abacuses away.

Chessie and Snooples, they are wearing matching peach-colored dresses. With frilly necks. Which Nini, she has purchased for the occasion.

Ben, he is wearing one of Pias black turtlenecks. Ben, he has the collar of that turtleneck pulled up over his nose. In order to hide the singed whiskers.

Here comes Chickenloaf.

Chickenloaf, she is wearing a extremely fuzzy purple sweater which she has knitted. Long tendrils of fuzz, they are waving in the manner of sea creature tentacles from the surface of that extremely fuzzy purple sweater.

May 3

Now this one is most unusual in that it arrived inside a carton of light bulbs.

It is the morning session at school. We are engaging in the activity known as Show and Tell.

Ben, he is showing his collection of dessicant packets.

Ben, he is holding up each dessicant packet with tweezers, one at a time. Ben, he is imparting the biographical details of each dessicant packet.

May 5
Music Class

We are standing next to our desks. We are supposed to be whacking sticks together in a rhythmical manner. Ms. Van Lips, she is playing THE KIPPER FROM KIRCALDY upon the piano.

However some of us are having difficulty concentrating upon whacking sticks. On account of Bucky Lawless and Bing Hamton: They are being highly distracting.

Bucky Lawless and Bing Hamton, they are demonstrating how to produce eardrum-piercing noises. By blowing air through one’s nose.

It is pretty funny.

Ms. Van Lips, she is selecting someone with which to play the Triangle.

Snooples, she has been selected to play the Triangle.

Now we are attempting to whack our sticks together once again. Ms. Van Lips, she is playing THE MOUSE AND THE EXTREMELY THICK MARMALADE.

Snooples, she is concentrating hard upon playing the Triangle. Snooples, she is playing a intricate rhythm upon the Triangle.

Bucky Lawless and Bing Hamton: They are demonstrating how they can put their hind hoofs up behind their antlers.

The rest of us, we are lapsing into giggling fits.

Except for Ben. Ben, he is concentrating upon his whacking sticks.

Uh oh.

Ben, he has dropped one of his whacking sticks.

The whacking stick, it is rolling amongst the desk legs. The whacking stick, it is rolling toward the back of the classroom where the fish tanks are bubbling.

The whacking stick, it is picking up speed.

Excuse me. Excuuuuuuuuuuse me.

Ben, he is crawling after his whacking stick. We must lift our foots.

Ben, he is crawling beneath the large and elaborate rack which holds the collection of cymbals and bells and gongs.

There goes the collection of cymbals and bells and gongs, crashing over into the World Book Encyclopedias.

Bens whacking stick, it has rolled out of sight. Bens whacking stick, it is somewheres beneath the baseboard heater.

Ben, he is lying upon his back. Ben, his hind legs are sticking up in the air. Ben, he is feeling around with both paws beneath the baseboard heater.

However: The whacking stick, it is gone.

May 12
Cafeteria

CHESSIE YOU CANNOT CHOOSE TO PLAY THE SOUSAPHONE. A MINIATURE CAT, IT CANNOT OPERATE A SOUSAPHONE.

Chessie, she is frowning and she is laboriously printing her name with a stubby black crayon beneath the category SOUSAPHONE.

Chessie, she has printed the last letter of her name extra large and black.

chessiE

May 13

FINE PLAY THE SOUSAPHONE. HOWEVER DO NOT COMPLAIN WHEN YOU BECOME KILLED DEAD.

We are setting around the dining room table and we are squabbling.

Chessie, she has leaned back in her chair. Chessie, she has folded her small white hairy arms.

Chessies collection of little plastic dogs, they are standing guard in a row upon the dining room table in front of Chessie.

Chessie, she is scowling.

Anyways I think the Sousaphone, it is pretty nice!

Chickenloaf, she has commenced spreading out archival photos of Sousaphones upon the dining room table.

this here. it is my life.

Chessie, she is pointing to her scrawny white chest with one claw.

PERHAPS WE COULD FLIP A MOUSE.

To hell with it, go ahead and drag 67 tons of brass down the street every time there’s a parade.

Pia, she is painting her hind claws with green sparkling claw polish.

White cotton balls, they are puffing out between each of Pia’s toes.

May 14

We have got our school pictures back. That is bad.

Ms. Wysiwyg, she is handing out the cardboard envelopes.

Chickenloaf, she has already commenced to scissor apart the little postage stamp versions of her school pictures. Chickenloaf, she is handing school pictures out to everybody.

Me, I do not wish to slide these here school pictures of of this here cardboard envelope. On account of I am somewhat unphotogenic.

Oh goddamnit.

I have been photographed in the middle of a sneeze.

May 15
Back Yard

Burying the school photographs beneath the compost pile.

May 17
Playground

Snooples, she is wearing her Playground Leadership Sash. Snooples, she is teaching the little kids how to play Giant Squid. The gerbil kids, they are the best at playing Giant Squid.

Me, I am standing around with the older kids and I am pretending to be bored half to death.

Here comes Chickenloaf.

Chickenloaf, she is wearing pink corderouy overalls with small yellow emboidered crabs all over them.

Chickenloaf, she has handed me a small postage stamp-size school photo of herself.

This here photo, it depicts Chickenloafs small wooly gray head. Midst thousands of illuminated purple sweater tentacles.

May 20

Mom and Dad, they want to know: Where are the school pictures.

I tell them I do not recall.

I shall scissore some of these here pictures of Howler Monkeys out of National Geographic. Mom and Dad, they will not know any better.

May 22

Tomorrow, it is the first day of Musical Band Instrument Lessons.

Soon I shall find out exactly what a oboe is.

I am fairly certain a oboe, it is extremely large. With spoke wheels.

A oboe, I believe there is one of them in the band Van Halen.

May 23

I have arisen early. On account of today, it is the first of the Musical Band Instrument Lessons. It will be awesome.

Also: No clean trousers.

I must place some trousers and sweaters and leotards and whatnot into the washing machine and then into the drying machine.

The washing machine, it is stuffed all the way up to the top with trousers and sweaters and leotards and whatnot.

I shall now dump in some of this blue liquid.

I wonder how much blue liquid is required.

I shall dump in the entire jug. On account of the trouser knees.

There.

The washing machine, it is churning in a festive manner.

I shall now go and enjoy a muffin.

Later

We are setting around the kitchen table and we are enjoying muffins.

Snooples, she is carefully buttering her muffin with the butter knife. Snooples, she is holding out her littlest toe.

Pia, she is dabbling a muffin into a mug of black coffee.

However, something seems to be amiss.

Dad: He is in the laundry room and he is screaming like a girl.

May 26

Am perched on the edge of a uncomfortable folding chair upon the porch. Am practicing this here oboe.

However this oboe. It is capable only of manufacturing noises in the manner of a farting echidna.

Also: there is a problem with this here sheet music. It is incomprehensible.

May 28

Setting upon the porch and practicing the oboe.

The birds in the yard, they have assumed a horrified silence.

May 29

Here we are at the first Musical School Band Rehearsal.

We have each had exactly 3 1/2 lessons.

Mr. Dinnerstain, he is rapping his baton upon the lectern.

However, the deafening mayhem continues. As we are tuning our instruments.

The school band, it is comprised of:

14 Sousaphones
46 Clarinets
28 Kettle Drums (Pia plus the Deers and the Elks)
3 Flutes
2 Xylophones
1 Oboe
1 Krump Horn

May 31

Well here it is the end of May.

Everybodys school pictures, the are sandwitched in little silver frames. All along the fireplace mantle.

That picture of the Howler Monkey. It looks pretty good.